Not Here for Hookups | Episode 2 | Stree Swipes

October 4, 2019

The line “Not here for hookups” is as
common in dating apps as star kids in a KJo movie. But there’s more, because the origins of
this line are based on conversations around sex, gender stereotypes and social norms which
women are expected to follow. People date for many different reasons – to
find pyaar, dosti or dosti with benefits. But sex is treated as something only men are looking for. Does this mean women don’t want sex and
are only in it to make him put a ring on it? Why is he supposed to be the dude while she
has to act like the prude? Let’s get to it and bust some of these rusted
myths. The Virgin Stereotype Yeh andar ki baat hai – and it’s only reserved
for men. While they’re free to explore, unmarried women
have to stay pure, virginal and away from the bed until it’s time to wed. We think this is ok, because our films, TV
and music all tell us so. While he’s all pyaar kiya toh darna kya,
she’s always supposed to pyaar mein zara sambhalna. And whenever a story is written
from a woman’s perspective, it’s met with severe backlash. Take Lipstick Under My Burkha which was too
“lady -oriented” for the censor board, and in their own words was refused a certificate
because it had women’s “fantasy about life” and “continuous sexual scenes.” Women have needs It is perfectly normal to want or not want
casual sex, for any gender. The important thing is that the choice should
be judgement free, which makes it much easier for women to say zara zara touch me. A study conducted by Tinder shows that 79%
women believe that a good sex life is key to a good relationship. It’s not just a need but a desire too. The dating culture, while still young in India,
can be a game changer on how women and their sexual needs are viewed. 36% women said they are open to experimenting
with sex, on a casual date – that’s more that’s more than a third. And it’s the Millennial & GenZ who are leading
the charge in saying no to social constructs experimenting with porn, fantasizing, incorporating
sex toys and discussing it openly, is totally chill these days. The Freedom of Choice & Consent Expressing interest in casual sex needs to
be respected as much as not expressing interest in it. Female sexuality can be a double-edged sword in India and the freedom of choice comes with the responsibility of consent. Casual dating has an element of risk, especially when so many people make assumptions about a woman based on how she behaves outside the
bedroom. With all the confusion around haan mein naa
and naa mein haa, people tend to forget that only a yes is a yes. Sexual consent, irrespective of your sexual
preference, is the basic right of every person and can’t be ignored in any scenario. Dating in India is evolving. It’s opening
doors for women to explore their sexuality without judgement and without pressure. There are heteronormative narratives as well
as queer ones, expanding the definition of ‘normal’ to make room for everyone. Whether you’re hooking up or just looking
to meet someone new social discovery apps have made it much easier to bring people together. So go out there – find a friend, find a soulmate
or just someone to have fun with… Marzi totally aapki aur app ki hai! Tell us your thoughts on casual dating
in the comments below, don’t forget to like, share and subscribe to Vitamin Stree!

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